I Was Almost Murdered Today

Crazy people scare me… you never know when they’re gonna snap or what their weapon of choice will be, they’re like the ultimate ninja – hidden in plain sight with a million ways to kill you.

I’ve had my New York Public Library card for a while now but only recently started to use it.  It was a beautiful day so I rode a bike down to the library to check out a movie for later.

As I was browsing through the movies I kept hearing this whispering from one of my fellow library patrons.  There were a few of us looking at the movies so I just assumed it was someone talking to their friend – that was until the whispering went from one side of my head to the other with only one lady changing sides.

This lady was right next to me, talking in a super quiet voice and I knew there wasn’t anyone else over there for her to be talking to so I started to go over my list of crazy people rules in my head:

1 – Never stare – This one can be hard, but it’s crucially important.  Once you start staring at the crazy person it’s hard to stop and sooner or later the crazy person is going to see you staring and – BOOM – you’re the next victim.

2 – Never let them leave your peripheral vision – This is self-explanatory, why would you ever let a crazy person be behind you or in the same room but out of sight?

3 – Know your exists – It’s like being the fire marshal for your 4th grade class, you always gotta know the quickest way to escape.

4 – Hurry up whatever you’re doing and get the hell out – I’m sure there is a statistic out there somewhere that says ‘the longer you’re with a crazy person the more likely you are to die.’

Being very discreet I started to film her on my phone, you may not be able to hear her but you should get the idea… watch the way she nods and shakes her head and how she compulsively touches the movies.

You may be saying – “Everyone mutters to themselves while trying to pick out a book or movie” – and normally I’d agree with you but not this time – take another look, in this video you can clearly see that I wasn’t the only one freaked out by this lady.  I can only pray that the woman in the white shirt got out alive after blatantly breaking rule #1.

If those two videos weren’t definitive proof that I was almost murdered today check out this last video and remember me in your prayers because if she had a bike and could ride really fast she may have followed me home, in which case I’m a dead man.

I may have been covering the mike on my phone or she may have been silently laughing but it’s easy to see that that is the laugh of a crazy lady.


~ by chj48 on August 7, 2010.

2 Responses to “I Was Almost Murdered Today”

  1. Connor, I know this lady. She read your post and watched your videos and is terribly upset. She’s coming to kill you.

  2. didn’t i teach you those rules?

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